Cubs-vs-Cardinals - Welcome!
July 16, 2007
We cordially invite you to take part in the trash talk between our two beloved teams, the Chicago Cubs and the St. Louis Cardinals. As fans of the Cubs and Cardinals, we are at the core of the greatest sports rivalry on the planet and we are a better rivalry than others simply because at the end of the day, we all go out and drink together in the same bar. It’s what Harry and Jack would have done.
If you don’t know who Harry and Jack are, leave this site now because you are an idiot.
We also don’t take kindly to any fans of such teams as the Yankees and Red Sox. If you support either of these teams, please stop reading now and visit this site. Let’s just say it’s where you belong. Please keep in mind that any Cubs or Cards fan will agree that the Mets are useless wastes of space, as are the Astros, and the Braves are a bunch of no-talent ass-clowns, especially Chipper Jones. I don’t care how many stupid division titles you had in a row–with that many chances, you tools should have enough bling on your fingers to make a rapper kneel in awe.
So without further ado. . .
All you need to do is register when you make your first comment. After that, you are free to comment on any post we make in here. If we find that you are hilarious and a worthy contributor, we may also make you a contributing writer for this site. We want to maintain some balance between the two sides and we also want to make sure the posts maintain a certain level of wit and humor, which is key to this site being fun.
Enjoy! The rest of the 2007 season should be fun. . .
While the Mets are in fact useless wastes of space, the Braves are easily the team of the 90s. So maybe they only won one ring during their historic streak of Division titles, but that’s still one more than the Cubs have won in the last century.
As for Chipper the Ripper, he’s got more talent in his left testicle than all the Cubs and Cards combined (minus Fat Albert). Besides, Chipper doesn’t need bling on his fingers to make rappers kneel before him, they already worship the ground he spits his holy tobacco on… and so does everyone else in the ATL. And when it’s all said and done, both of you douche bedazzlers will come to accept Chipper Jones as your personal lord and savior of baseball.
The Tomahawk has Chopped!
Comment by The Brave Tomahawk that Could — July 18, 2007 @ 2:08 pm
I thought Pearl Jam was the team of the 90s? The Braves are as big a disappointment as the St. Louis Blues were for 25 years straight making the playoffs but never winning the cup.
But yes, that’s still one more Series win than the Cubs have in modern history, so ha ha ha.
Chipper Jones has no testicles because his boyfriend also chews tobacco, which gave said boyfriend cancer of the mouth, which transferred orally to Chipper’s . . . you get the idea. If not, call Lance Armstrong. I heard that Chipper just got an endoresement deal from Summer’s Eve.
Comment by HereComesTheKing — July 19, 2007 @ 9:46 am
Luckily for you, part of his endorsement deal gives him free douches for life. And I’m sure that if you ask him nicely, you might just get your hands on that timeless keepsake you’ve always wanted: a personalized douche autographed by Chipper Jones himself!
Think of the altar you’ll build for it with your mighty carpentering skills!
And speaking of Carpenter, his ERA this season is 7.50, which when you multiply it by 2, is exactly the size of Chipper Jones’ massive 15″ schlong he’ll use to fuck the Cards during their 4 game sweep at Turner Field starting tonight.
Coincidentally, if you also multiply Chipper’s current batting average (.333, good for 5th in the NL) by 2, you get .666 - the number of The Beast. That means that somewhere in Atlanta right now, Mike Maroth and Tony LaRussa are praying for Chipper Jones to be merciful on their souls.
The Tomahawk has Chopped!
Comment by The Tomahawk that Could — July 19, 2007 @ 11:38 am