Harry Picks Up Tommorow’s Paper for God
July 24, 2007
Hey everybody, Harry here from Cloud Nine. God and I are chatting and we just cracked open our first of many ice cold Budweisers. We are getting ready to watch the greatest rivalry in sports: The St. Louis Cubs vs Chicago Cardinals. It’s the greatest rivalry because God (and millions of fans) said so. Hey God, did you ever see that Field of Dreams? That was a good movie. Didn’t Tom Hanks win an Oscar in that one?
Anyways I just picked up tomorrows paper (The Big Guy gets his papers one day early) on my way thru Heavens Gate and here was the top story I thought I would share with earth.
Zambrano Tosses No Hitter and Goes Deep in 8-0 Route of Cards
Heaven AP - Future 2007 Cy Young Award Winner Carlos Zambrano starts of the first of a three game series last night against their rival St. Louis Cardinals by tossing a no-hit, nine inning shutout. Zambrano fell short of a perfect game when he plunked Albert Pujols (poo HOLEs) in the eighth inning. After the game Zambrano stated “I looked over at their dugout during the 7th inning stretch and Pujols was showing a complete disrespect of ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game. I knew I needed to hit him the next time up….even if it cost me the perfect game.”
Derrek Lee, in his first game back after a five game suspension for kicking Padres pitcher Chris Young’s ass, started the offense in the first with a 3-run dinger. Zambrano added a 2-run homer of his own in the bottom of the fifth to help his own cause.
Heaven’s got an AP over there huh? Well, that must be the same department that wrote that fictional book full of lies… what’s it called again? Oh yeah the “bible.”
Seeing as how the Cubs just narrowly beat the Cards last night, the AP was way off on its predicted 8-0 route and Zambrano’s supposed no-hitter.
And Tom Hanks didn’t win an Oscar for Field of Dreams, he won TWO Oscars, Harry. Get it right. Sheeeesh.
- The Tomahawk has Chopped
Comment by The Tomahawk that Could — July 25, 2007 @ 11:35 am
Fantastic. Harry thinks he’s talking to God again.
Comment by Steve Stone — July 26, 2007 @ 11:14 am