Cubs vs Cardinals

It was pretty cool to win the 2006 World Series the way we did. We basically laid down the last three weeks of the regular season and we triple-dog-dared the Astros to try and take us. Then we made a rather dramatic run through the playoffs and watched the Tigers pitchers shoot themselves in the foot for the Series.  

This year, we needed a greater challenge. We purposely injured or gave away most of our pitching staff in order to increase our challenge. Our Cy Young winner just got off the operating table a few minutes ago and he won’t be back until mid-next year. Our slugger is giving MLB pitchers a break this year by only hitting .314 with 22 homers so far this year. Most of our position players (starters) decided to finally admit to their injuries this year and give the other teams a break for a while in order to heal. They also gave ESPN a break by not dominating the plays of the week highlight reels (Scott Rolen, Jim Edmonds, Yadier Molina, Eckstein, etc.).

We did get our regular closer back this year, but since we regularly are allowing at least one touchdown per game, he hasn’t been called on much for saving games. That’s cool because we will need him later.

We have even gone so far as to let the gap widen between us, the Cubs, and the Brewers. It seems that Cardinal alumni from the1982 World Championship team felt really bad for beating up the Brewers in the 1982 World Series, so we want to let the Brewers feel better about themselves for a while. After all, they do produce an inferior alcoholic product up there — that and most people from Wisconsin are either fat, stupid, or both — so in the interest of good will, the Cardinals have decided to let them have a little glory for a while. . .until they decide enough’s enough.

We have even thrown a bone to our old friends the Cubs. Knowing that you guys will find a way to screw yourselves out of yet another playoff appearance, we figured, why not let Lou Pinheadda and his merry band of doucheslingers have a few critical wins at our expense. Seems like the fair thing to do what with all our World Series banners swinging proudly in the wind.

Bottom line in all this. . .we just needed more adversity. Our playoff run this year just wouldn’t be exciting if we did the same thing we’ve been doing the past few years (trouncing everyone in our path). That’s no fun. That’s why people hate the Yankees. No, the Cardinals need a bigger challenge. We need to pile on the adversity so we have something to motivate us. Once we overcome the adversity and play it one game at a time, we will take our rightful place atop the division. Cubbies, we know you won’t sustain, so this message is for the Brewers. . .look out douchemeisters, Here Comes the King.