Cardinals help Cubs; All part of master plan
July 30, 2007
As per the per their master plan, Cardinals took three out of four from the Brewers to help the Cubs climb within a half-game of first place in the division.
“Yes, it’s all part of our master plan this year,” said Cardinals manager and mastermind Tony LaRussa, “We know the Cubs are the Cubs, so our plan is to help them get into first place, possibly let them stay there for a good chunk of August and maybe into September — something they’ve never really done before — then we are going to pull the curtain down on them around September 15 when we face them for a four-game series. At that point, we fully expect to slam the door on them and put a nail in the coffin.
“I assure you,” La Russa continued, “this ballclub is fully armed and operational [laughter].”
In other news, the Cubs are close to welcoming back perennial waste-of-time Kerry Wood. Cardinals fans are excited by the news of Wood’s return. One fan said, “When the Cubs have Wood, they tend to blow their loads early . . . did I say ‘loads’? Sorry, I meant ‘leads’. Yeah, anyway, if Wood comes back, the Cubs are practically guaranteed to blow it. We can’t wait to watch him come back, get paid a ton of money, and crush the hopes and dreams of Cubs fans everywhere, just like he always does. At what point to you finally admin that you can’t get Wood anymore and just move on?”�
Hahahahahaah… he said “Wood.”
I don’t get it, the Cubs are finally in first place and Harry from Heaven is silent? He must be passed-out drunk from hearing “Cubs” and “first place” in the same sentence without the familiar “are not in” or “will never be” in there.
By the way, I’m sure Harry would be glad to know that Teixeira rhymes with Carrera, as in Asia Carrera, who is hot, much like it is in Atlanta, or as its often called HOTlanta, which is currently on a sizzling 3-game win streak in which they’ve scored 38 runs or 12.6 runs per game, like the size (in inches) of some of the schlongs that Asia Carrera has taken and precisely the size of Teixeira’s Tomahawk. OH!
- The Tomahawk has Chopped
Comment by The Tomahawk that Could — August 2, 2007 @ 2:40 pm
So I was up here in Cardinal Heaven hanging out with Darrell Porter, Dizzy Dean, and a few of the other fellas and we noticed that NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE BRAVES.
[Jack Buck reporting live from heaven]
Comment by Jack Buck — August 3, 2007 @ 7:57 am