Cubs vs Cardinals

Hey Everybody, HarryFromHeaven here. In Lou of this weekends series between the Cubs and the Cardinals, me and God just sat down and cracked our first ice cold Budweisers. So I asked the G-man, “Hey Lord who’s gonna win this weekends series” and he said he thinks it will be the Cubs 2 games to 1. I said “You think? Aren’t you the almighty….the all powerful?” He said “Yes HarryFromHeaven my son, but even I cannot forseeith the future.”

I still wanted to find out who’s gonna win so I picked up my cellphone and called the Robins manager Tony La Russa. Have you ever used a cellphone? I don’t know how they work but they are amazing. I used one to call my friend Steve Stone before. So I asked Tony La Russa who was gonna win the series and I couldn’t really understand him. It sounded like he already had too many ice cold Budweisers.

Then I remembered I had stored Nostradamus‘ number in my cellphone. Have you ever used a cellphone? I don’t know how it works but you can stored phone numbers in them….and then use those numbers to call people on your cellphone.

I remembered that Nostradamus predicts the future. So I said “Hey Nostradamus, HarryFromHeaven here. I was wondering who’s gonna win the weekend series between the Cubs and Cards.” Nostradamus said “HarryFromHeaven, not only will the Cubs win the series, I see Mondays newspaper headline and it says ‘Cubs Sweep Cardinals’.

Also HarryFromHeaven just in case you were wondering, I see headlines all the following headlines in October ‘Zambrano Wins 2008 Cy Young’……’D Lee Claims 2008 NL MVP Award’……’Sweet Lou Manager of the Year Again’…..’Cubs Catcher Soto Edges Cubs Right Fielder Fuck-You Do-Me for NL Rookie of the Year’ ……’The Curse Is Over - Chicago Cubs End 100 Year Drought by Sweeping Red Sox’”

There you have it everybody. Cheers to the 2008 World Series Champion Chicago Cubs.

Hey everybody, Harry Caray here. Did you see Bobby Bonds hit his gazillinth home run last night. He broke Babe Ruth’s record for most HR’s. Holy cow that was something else. I once had a couple ice cold Budweisers with Babe Ruth. He kinda reminded me of Santa Claus. Do you know who Santa Claus is? He delivers candy to all the good boys and girls on Easter.

The other day I was watching the movie Ghost. Have you seen it? Tom Hanks won an Oscar in it. That Tom Hanks is a great actor. Well it gave me the idea to go back to earth inside a soldier in the Middle East and mess with some of those Iraqi’s.

Luckily YouTube was there to film it so you can see it. Have you heard of YouTube? I found it on my computer. It’s probably on yours too. My best friend Steve Stone started YouTube……

Hey everybody, Harry here from Cloud Nine. God and I are chatting and we just cracked open our first of many ice cold Budweisers. We are getting ready to watch the greatest rivalry in sports: The St. Louis Cubs vs Chicago Cardinals. It’s the greatest rivalry because God (and millions of fans) said so. Hey God, did you ever see that Field of Dreams? That was a good movie. Didn’t Tom Hanks win an Oscar in that one?

Anyways I just picked up tomorrows paper (The Big Guy gets his papers one day early) on my way thru Heavens Gate and here was the top story I thought I would share with earth.

Zambrano Tosses No Hitter and Goes Deep in 8-0 Route of Cards
Heaven AP - Future 2007 Cy Young Award Winner Carlos Zambrano starts of the first of a three game series last night against their rival St. Louis Cardinals by tossing a no-hit, nine inning shutout. Zambrano fell short of a perfect game when he plunked Albert Pujols (poo HOLEs) in the eighth inning. After the game Zambrano stated “I looked over at their dugout during the 7th inning stretch and Pujols was showing a complete disrespect of ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game. I knew I needed to hit him the next time up….even if it cost me the perfect game.”

Derrek Lee, in his first game back after a five game suspension for kicking Padres pitcher Chris Young’s ass, started the offense in the first with a 3-run dinger. Zambrano added a 2-run homer of his own in the bottom of the fifth to help his own cause.

Hey Everybody, Harry Caray here from Heaven. Did you know they sell hot dogs in Heaven? With mustard. It kinda reminds me of Wrigley. They also have relish. Although I’m a little disappointed that the Cubs even allowed a run in the 2nd half of the season, they are still off to a spectacular start the 2nd half of the season. The chances are pretty good that the Cubbies won’t lose another game the rest of the season.

Here are just a few reasons why:

1. They have the greatest pitching staff in the history of major league baseball. This includes the ace and future 2007 Cy Young Award winner Carlos Zambrano who will pitch no hitters every game he pitches the rest of the season. It will be a close vote for Cy Young however because Zambrano has 4 other Cubs starting pitchers to contend with.

2. Their starting line up will all end up all hitting over .300 this season and there is a very good chance that Derrek Lee will hit over .400

3. Alfonzo Soriano will go on to break the single season HR record and win MVP.

4. They get play the Cardinals 10 more times this season which will be 10 for sure wins.

5. God told me they wouldn’t lose another game.

These are just a few of the reasons that the Cubs won’t lose a game the rest of the season including the playoffs and World Series.

Well I gotta go meet Belushi and Walter Payton. We are gonna have a couple ice cold Budweisers before the game.

Holy Cow!

We cordially invite you to take part in the trash talk between our two beloved teams, the Chicago Cubs and the St. Louis Cardinals. As fans of the Cubs and Cardinals, we are at the core of the greatest sports rivalry on the planet and we are a better rivalry than others simply because at the end of the day, we all go out and drink together in the same bar. It’s what Harry and Jack would have done.

If you don’t know who Harry and Jack are, leave this site now because you are an idiot.  

We also don’t take kindly to any fans of such teams as the Yankees and Red Sox. If you support either of these teams, please stop reading now and visit this site. Let’s just say it’s where you belong. Please keep in mind that any Cubs or Cards fan will agree that the Mets are useless wastes of space, as are the Astros, and the Braves are a bunch of no-talent ass-clowns, especially Chipper Jones. I don’t care how many stupid division titles you had in a row–with that many chances, you tools should have enough bling on your fingers to make a rapper kneel in awe.

So without further ado. . . 

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Enjoy! The rest of the 2007 season should be fun. . .